Emmett's adventure at home depot
by valnanxrules
Summary: What happens when Emmett, his pathological fear of wheelbarrows, and home depot mix? more to come! RnR please! DISCLAIMER: I do not own twilight or any of its characters.
1. wheelbarrows

**Emmett's point of view**

I walked in the kitchen that morning and had a feeling of dread. I could just tell something bad was about to happen. Maybe it was Alice walking around with several large bags of make-up. Maybe it was Eddie-kins petting his precious stereo. Jasper was playing with an etch-a-sketch. Never a good sign. Suddenly I felt like being a huge pain in everyone's ass, but before I could do any damage Eddie-kins looked up and said "Alice is angry because two of her credit cards got declined today, and she's looking for revenge."

"I'm shaking in my shoes." I said sarcastically. As soon as I made a plan, Esme walked in and said the most scary sentence of all time.

"Emmett, would you like to go to Home Depot with me?"

"Well, I actually had to go shopping with Rose." I hoped she would believe it.

"Rosalie left an hour ago dear Brother." I hate Edward. I hoped he would get mauled by a mountain lion.

"So, is that a yes Emmett?" awwww damn.

"Uhhhh, sure?"

When we arrived at Home Depot I felt like it was calling to me. Rows and rows of items that could cause potential physical and emotional pain to dear Eddie-kins. I found an empty uniform at the front of the store and I instantly grabbed it and changed in the bathroom. It was when I came out that I found the most peculiar looking customer. She said her name was Haushinka. Odd. Well I had to make this an opportunity for a little enjoyment here. "Well, hello miss Haushinka. Is there anything I can help you with."

"Well, sir I need a new wheelbarrow." Oh Carlisle no. **(read "The Cullens have AIM" if you don't understand) **I have always had a pathological fear of wheelbarrows. I still believe it's Edward's fault that the wheel barrow fell from the sky and landed on me.

"R-r-r-right this way ma'am" I can't believe I just stuttered. We walked to what looked like the wheelbarrow isle. I was legitimately scared. There were wheelbarrows stacked three levels high. Then I saw what looked like three of them move. Of course it might have been my paranoia, I need to get Carlisle to fix that.Then they jumped off at me, I ran as fast as the fastest human. When one of the top shelf flew at me. I screamed. Loudly. Then left that isle and was half way across the store at vampiric speed. I could have sworn I heard Edward laughing and Haushinka standing with a WTF???? Face as I left.


	2. revenge

_**Emmett's point of view**_

After I gathered enough courage to walk around the store I began thinking about how I would get my revenge on Edward when I suddenly saw a short man with uncontrolled black hair and a slightly taller, rounder man with a faux hawk having a 2x4 fight in the wood isle. It took every ounce of self control I had to not join them. While I was pondering what to do, I heard an annoying voice behind me ask "Excuse me betch, but where are the shoes. I need shoes" I turned around and let my mouth drop for about 5 seconds before any rational thought of a human daft enough to ask for shoes in a hardware store entered my brain.

"Ummm, miss there is a payless right across the street. That might be what you are looking for."

"No, betch I need shoes here."

"There are no shoes here lady"

"Oh"

"Yeah"

"Oh"

"Okay???"

"Oh"

"Can you please leave now?"

"Oh and by the way betch, your shoes suck."

After that little fiasco, which was hands down the weirdest thing I have ever seen in my life. Including when Edward tried to marry "Silvia". I continued my little stroll in the hardware store with so many options when I disposed of my standard uniform home depot apron and began shopping for items to get my sweet revenge on dear Eddie-kins. I blocked my mind so he would not have any idea of my revenge. Suddenly, I saw the power tool isle.

_**Edward's point of view**_

After continuing my duty as Emmett's brother by throwing wheel barrows at him, I decided to go home. First, however I decided to look in on Bella but she wasn't home she must be with that fantastic Jacob Black. Oh joy, something else I have to worry about. After making my small detour I returned home to my room only to find Silvia missing and a power saw left in her place with a note "Peanuts are legumes". Wow, captain obvious has struck again. I desperately searched everyone's minds I could to find any trace of my one true love, but everyone was blocking me. They know. I ran out as fast as I can and into my Volvo when I began to search desperately in the town of forks. When I returned I found a power drill on my bed with a note that would change me forever.


	3. The note

_**Emmett's POV**_

I was sitting at the kitchen counter enjoying a rather successful prank when I heard a roar from upstairs and figured that Eddie-kins had gotten his note. I chuckled silently while I blocked all knowledge of it from my brain. I saw a flash go down the stairs and I managed to see the note.

"EMMETT!"

"Yes?"

"WHAT DOES THIS NOTE SAY???"

"Well from what I can tell it says Bella has a power drill fetish, with a picture of a power drill on it."

_**Jasper's point of view**_

I was still doodling on my precious etch-a-sketch when I heard Emmett laughing like a clown in a psychiatric ward, and Edward roaring his head off. The surge of anger and humor made me fall out of my seat half crying from laughing and half crying from the intense anger.


	4. The music store

_**Emmett's point of view**_

After my successful prank, I had another brilliant idea. I would buy the most annoying instrument known to man….an accordion. I found a suitable music store and went inside. The first thing I noticed was the awkwardly tall man riding on a tiny pink bicycle around some amplifiers. Once again I feared for my after-life. I saw what seemed to be an isle filled with accordions. I saw one of the men that was having a 2x4 fight at home depot playing the accordion expertly.

"Excuse me sir, but could you teach me how to play that?" He just kept on and didn't even look at me.

"Sir?" at this time I just turned around and started to walk only to hear the sound of the accordion hitting the floor and a figure jumping on my back doing what seemed to be a Sioux war cry. I threw him off of me and he hit the floor with an "umph" but then he got up and tried to run around the corner only to be met by the other man from home depot and a loud scream as the larger man fell to the floor flailing and the smaller man just laughed. Then the bicycle man rounded the corner and rang the bell. This place was scary. I picked up an accordion and bought it and left. On the ride home I practiced making the most annoying noises I could find. I already had a plan.

I would sneak into Edward's room while he is listening to Silvia via air duct and then play my accordion with all of the skill of a brain dead monkey. I love being me.


End file.
